Job at the FBI : humer

The FBI had an opening for　
An Assassin　
&

After all the　
Background checks,　
Interviews &　
Testing were done,

There were 3 finalists :
Two Men & a Woman...

For the final test,　
The FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door & handed him a gun ..

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances..

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair...
Kill her!!'

The man said,　
'You can't be serious...
I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said..

'Then you're not the right man for this job..
Take your wife and go home..'

The second man was given the same instructions..　
He took the gun　
& went into the room..　
All was Quiet for about 5 minutes..
The man came out with tears in his eyes,　
'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'　
The agent said,

'You dont have what it takes..
Take your wife and go home.'

Finally,　
it was the woman's turn..
She was given the Same instructions,　
to kill her husband..

She took the Gun　
& went into the room..

Shots were heard,　
one after another..　

They heard　
Screaming,　
Crashing,　
Banging on the walls..

After a few minutes,　
all was Quiet..

The door opened slowly &
there stood the Woman,

Wiping the sweat from her brow..

'This gun is loaded with fake bullets ' she said.　
'I had to Beat him to death with the chair..'

COFFEE OR THE CUP???????

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor.
Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain,　plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.　

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves,

that is the source of your problems and stress.　What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each others cups.　

"Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Quality of life is determined by how content and happy we are at any moment, irrespective of our situation, circumstances and environment. Of course we need cups to hold the coffee, but the quality of coffee is more important than the quality and quantity of cups.　We may have the best of "cups", but quality of "coffee" may be poor.　

　

"Some times, by concentrating only on the "cup", we fail to enjoy the "coffee" in it."

　We compromise on life and spoil our health and peace of mind in accumulating the "cups". Time, health and the quality of life that we have lost can never be gained by all the wealth in the world. At the end of the day what matters most is whether we are happy or not.

　

Focus on improving the

QUALITY OF LIFE rather than increasing the quantity and quality of "CUPS".　

　

Don't let the "cups" drive you...　

Enjoy the "coffee" instead

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in　

a closed Room with an Open window.　


Then send 2 or 3 candidates in　

The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back　

After 6 hours and then analyze　
The situation.　


If they are counting the　
Brick.　
Put them in the　

Accounts

　Department.　


If they are recounting them..　
Put them in　

Auditing

　..　


If they have messed up the　
Whole place with the bricks.　
Put them in　

Engineering

.　


If they are arranging the　
Bricks in some strange order.　
Put them in　

Planning

.　


If they are throwing the　
Bricks at each other.　
Put them in　

Operations

　.　


If they are sleeping.　
Put them in　

Security

.　


If they have broken the bricks　
Into pieces.　
Put them in　

Information　Technology

.　



If they are sitting idle.　
Put them in　

Human resources

.　


If they say they have tried　
Different combinations, yet　
Not a brick has　
Been moved. Put them in　

Sales.

　


If they have already left for　
The day.　
Put them in　

Marketing

.　


If they are staring out of the　
Window.　
Put them on　

Strategic　　Planning.

　


And then last but not least.　
If they are talking to each　
Other and not a single brick　
Has been　Moved.　


Congratulate them and put them　
In

Top management

Thanks

Praveen Thota

Ways to Ask Your Kids 'So How Was School Today

Ways to Ask Your Kids 'So How Was School Today'?

QUESTIONS

This year, Simon is in fourth grade and Grace is in first grade, and I find myself asking them every day after school, "So how was school today?"

And every day I get an answer like "fine" or "good," which doesn't tell me a whole lot.

AND I WANT TO KNOW A WHOLE LOT!!!!

Or at least get a full sentence. So the other night, I sat down and made a list of more engaging questions to ask about school. They aren't perfect, but I do at least get complete sentences, and some have led to some interesting conversations... and hilarious answers... and some insights into how my kids think and feel about school.

1. What was the best thing that happened at school today? (What was the worst thing that happened at school today?)

2. Tell me something that made you laugh today.

3. If you could choose, who would you like to sit by in class? (Who would you NOT want to sit by in class? Why?)

4. Where is the coolest place at the school?

5. Tell me a weird word that you heard today. (Or something weird that someone said.)

6. If I called your teacher tonight, what would she tell me about you?

7. How did you help somebody today?

8. How did somebody help you today?

9. Tell me one thing that you learned today.

10. When were you the happiest today?

11. When were you bored today?

12. If an alien spaceship came to your class and beamed someone up, who would you want them to take?

13. Who would you like to play with at recess that you've never played with before?

14. Tell me something good that happened today.

15. What word did your teacher say most today?

16. What do you think you should do/learn more of at school?

17. What do you think you should do/learn less of at school?

18. Who in your class do you think you could be nicer to?

19. Where do you play the most at recess?

20. Who is the funniest person in your class? Why is he/she so funny?

21. What was your favorite part of lunch?

22. If you got to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you do?

23. Is there anyone in your class who needs a time-out?

24. If you could switch seats with anyone in the class, who would you trade with? Why?

25. Tell me about three different times you used your pencil today at school.

*****

So far, my favorite answers have come from questions 12, 15 and 21. Questions like the "alien" one give kids a non-threatening way to say who they would rather not have in their class, and open the door for you to have a discussion to ask why, potentially uncovering issues you didn't know about before.

And the answers we get are sometimes really surprising. When I asked question 3, I discovered that one of my children didn't want to sit by a best friend in class anymore -- not out of a desire to be mean or bully, but in the hope they'd get the chance to work with other people.

As my kids get older, I know I am going to have to work harder and harder to stay engaged with them -- but I know it's going to be worth the work.

What Is Ebola Virus?

What is  Ebola ?

It's a virus that attacks a person’s blood system:

Ebola is what scientists call a hemorrhagic fever - it operates by making its victims bleed from almost anywhere on their body. Usually victims bleed to death.

Ebola is highly contagious; Being transmitted via contact with body fluids such as blood, sweat, saliva, semen or other body discharges.

Ebola is however NOT AN AIRBORNE VIRUS!

EXTREMELY deadly: About 90% of people that catch Ebola will die from it. It's one of the deadliest diseases in the world, killing in just a few weeks.

Untreatable(no cure): Ebola has no known treatment or cure. Victims are usually treated for symptoms with the faint hope that they recover.

How Do I Know Someone has Ebola?

•Fever •Headache •Diarrhoea •Vomiting •Weakness •Joint Muscle pains •Stomach Pain •Lack of Appetite

Protect Yourself: •Wash Your Hands with Soap Do this a lot. You can also use a good hand sanitizer. Avoid unnecessary physical contact with people.

■Restrict yourself to food you prepared yourself.

■Disinfect Your Surroundings The virus cannot survive disinfectants,heat, direct sunlight,detergents and soaps.

Clean up!: •Fumigate If you have Pests. •Rodents can be carriers of Ebola. •Fumigate your environment dispose off the carcasses properly! •Dead bodies CAN still transmit Ebola. •Don't touch them without protective gear or better yet avoid them altogether.

Protect Yourself: •Use protective gear if you must care or go near someone you suspect has Ebola.

Report: •Report any suspicious symptoms in yourself or anyone else IMMEDIATELY.

Do not delay!

A GREAT MORAL STORY

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat. As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind". Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son. They were little awkward the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child.

Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with the train".A Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now it start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes. He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa".The Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man,"Why don't you visit the Doctor and get your son treated".
Old man said," Yes, We were from the hospital. Today only my son got the eyes first time in his life".

Moral: "Don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

　

My Dearest Tina,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

　

(A) 10 marks,

(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

　

Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really... Am I doing it?

　

Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

　

When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

　

When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

　

During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

　

You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus.(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

　

You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

　

I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

　

On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6 :00 A.M because:(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

　

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.If you have scored between 30 and 40 , love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

　

Eagerly awaiting your reply.
Love, Sameer

　

Here is the reply: Tina's reply letter was also in Q/A format.

　

Sameer,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

　

If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

　

If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

　

While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

　

I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside. Right ?

(a) Yes (b) No

　

I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No

　

Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No

　

Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

　

You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

　

Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No

　

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love. Hope everything is clear to you.

Making a Difference

A man was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along he began to see another man in the distance.

　

As he grew nearer he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up, and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean.

　

As our friend approached even closer he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had washed up onto the beach, and one at a time, he was throwing them back into the ocean.

　

The first man was puzzled. He approached the man and said, "Good Evening Friend, I was wondering what are you doing?" And he replied, "I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they will die from the lack of oxygen."
"I understand," my friend replied "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach and you couldn't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many and don't you realize that this is happening on hundreds of beaches up and down this coast ... can't you see that that you can't possibly make a difference?

　

The local native smiled, bent down, picked up yet another starfish ... and as he threw it back out into the sea, he replied, "It made a difference to that one!" label: Short story

　

You may feel like you cannot make a difference in the world today, but you CAN make a difference in one life at a time.

　

-Never underestimate your own efforts. You too could make a difference.
-Don't ask what the world could do for you, seek what you could do to the world

Einstein

 Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the
conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every
passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his
vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his　
trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase
but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He
still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all
know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry
about it.'

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the
aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car,
he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands
and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein,
don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a
ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'

Einstein looked at him and said,

　

'Young man, I too, know who Iam.

　

What I don't know is where I'm going.'

BANTA’S LETTER

Dear Banta,

      I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I am writing this letter slowly because I know you cannot read fast.

   We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the news paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

   I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with him for their new house so they would not have to change their new address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

    This place here is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

     The weather isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

      The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

     Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused to which piece we should remove.

        Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or uncle.

       Your uncle, Jithender fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

  

P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.